


Kakashi/Gai Ficlets

by forgetme



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-15 04:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 16,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetme/pseuds/forgetme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various Kakashi/Gai ficlets and drabbles</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Protective

Gai has a secret.

Every night, after training, when he's alone in his tiny apartment, he sits down on his bed, takes the lotus position and closes his eyes.

It works best when he is tired, when he's already exhausted from a whole day of training, when he's at his limit.

That's when the impossible becomes possible.

Gai knows it's a forbidden technique.

He knows sensei would never approve.

But the more time Gai spends around Kakashi, the more he realizes that something has changed.

The truth is that it's not about _beating_ Kakashi anymore.

But that's a secret, too.


	2. kink meme fill: sex competitions

The first time, they're both sixteen, and it's most definitely Gai's idea. _A test of stamina!_ he shouts, and Kakashi is vaguely annoyed and somewhat skeptical, but also morbidly curious.

Years later, he tells himself that it was just two boys experimenting, mutual masturbation; it's not that unusual.

A decade later, he still remembers the feeling of Gai's calloused fingers, his too strong grip, his too quick strokes. The way he frowned in deep concentration, as if he was solving a difficult math problem.

The first time, Kakashi loses.

* * *

The second time, Kakashi is twenty-seven while Gai has just turned twenty-eight, and Kakashi makes the suggestion in what was most definitely supposed to be a sarcastic fashion, but Gai takes it as seriously as he takes everything else, and they're both incredibly drunk anyway, and Kakashi's heart is pounding and he thinks, _Why the hell not?_

That time is all about technique, about who's more skilled as a lover, but they're both far too drunk to make it count.

The next morning, Kakashi blames the alcohol and shrugs it off. It definitely helps that Gai sheepishly claims complete memory loss.

A year later, Kakashi still remembers the sweet taste of liquor on Gai's tongue and the weight of Gai's body when he fell asleep on Kakashi. His breath tickling Kakashi's collarbone, his snoring keeping Kakashi awake, but only for a few hazy minutes.

The second time, Gai loses.

* * *

The last time, Kakashi is close to thirty and Gai has stopped counting, and Kakashi doesn't know how it happens, only that it happens, in a tent, on the hard ground, between maps and scattered ninja tools. The unspoken challenge is not to make a sound, not to acknowledge anything, and Kakashi is sure that Gai can read it in his eye as clearly as Kakashi can see it in Gai's.

Seconds later, Kakashi tells himself not to remember Gai's fingers lacing through his, the way Gai's breath hitches, the sensation of the muscles of Gai's lower back tensing and relaxing beneath the palm of Kakashi's hand.

The last time, it's a draw.


	3. Speech

Gai was staring hard at the piece of paper in front of him. He took a deep breath. He a drew a few more characters. _Forgive yourself._

He paused and studied his work.

He groaned and crumpled up the piece of paper, then threw it at the trash bin in the corner of his room, then he groaned again for good measure. Under his elbow, his notepad was getting slimmer and slimmer. He could already feel the hard wooden surface of his table through the few remaining pages.

"Why don't you just give up?" Genma asked. He was lying on the floor of Gai's room, arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Listless, lacking energy and initiative like always.

"There is nothing you can say, Gai-kun," Ebisu chimed in, his voice not unkind, but, as usual, carrying a certain nasal lecturing quality that made Gai grit his teeth and bring his pen down on the paper with renewed, _defiant_ vigor.

He had to find the right words; he just _had_ to.

"I _cannot_ give up! I _will not_ give up! I won't abandon my eternal rival!" he shouted.

"For the hundredth time, that isn't actually a thing, Gai. You're not twelve anymore."Gai could practically hear the eye roll in Genma's voice. "Plus, there's a reason you can't buy cards for this occasion; because what is there to say? I'm sorry you had to kill your team mate, that really sucks?"

"Genma!" Ebisu sputtered in outrage, scandalized although they both knew Genma was only using his flippant attitude to mask how shocked he was. "Kakashi-kun has to cope with a lot right now. You shouldn't pester him," he told Gai in his _very_ _earnest_ voice.

But Gai didn't listen – he far too rarely did, as Sensei liked to point out – instead he focused on the task at hand, finding the words that would help his rival get better.

* * *

Three hours later, Gai was standing in front of the door to Kakashi's apartment, clutching his speech in his moist fist. It wasn't finished and it wasn't great, even Gai would admit that, but it was the best he could do, and that was what mattered, always giving it your best shot.

He took a deep breath to prepare himself and then he knocked, three short, _energetic_ rasps, and waited…. And waited….

"Kakashi?" he called, convinced that his rival was inside, since, being a first rate shinobi, he had done his recon and knew that his rival had not left his apartment (nor opened the blinds) once since the funeral the day before.

No answer. Gai shifted restlessly. What if something had happened? The last time he'd seen Kakashi – at the funeral – he'd looked so… blank somehow, as if he wasn't even there, as if he was fading away. Ever since then, Gai hadn't been able to think about anything but how to help his rival get better, but what if he was too late?

His heart hammering in his chest, Gai proceeded to bang on the door hard enough to dent the wood. "Kakashi!" he hollered, fully aware that he was disturbing the neighbors and not caring one bit. "Open up, rival! It's me!"

"Go away." Kakashi's voice came floating to him through the thin battered wood. It sounded far away, weak and tired, but it was like a drop of water to a parched throat. So much relief that Gai's knees actually grew weak.

"Let me in," he called, unfolding his note with the speech and skimming it once more, wishing he could have come up with something better.

"No. I said go away. Leave me alone."

Gai nodded to himself. Fine. He could kick down the door; that was nothing. He took a step back.

And hesitated.

He skimmed the words on his by now pretty crumpled piece of paper.

They weren't right.

They didn't really say what he wanted to say, and, more importantly, they didn't change anything. They couldn't change anything.

He took a step forward and leaned his forehead against the cool wood of Kakashi's closed door. Tears were burning in his eyes. He'd failed again. But he couldn't give up.

"I'm not going away," he said, convinced that Kakashi was on the other side of the door and could hear every word. "I'm not leaving you alone."

When there was no reply, Gai sat down on the ground. He took one last look at his speech. The sweat from his hands had made the ink of his pen run and his fingers had left smudges. It was barely legible anymore.

"I'm still here!" he called as he began to fold the paper into a crane.


	4. don't stop (color on the walls)

"I bet I can go higher than you!" the boy in green shouts, but Kakashi doubts it. His dad gives him another push, his hands warm and strong on Kakashi's narrow back, and the trees fall away, replaced by blue blue blue.

* * *

Hearing Gai whistle, seeing his smile, a sliver of flashing teeth, Kakashi grins under his mask, a secret, hidden grin. And he is gone.

Ducking under a low-hanging shop-sign, hopping over a bench, dodging a food stall at the last second. Birds scatter when they reach the end of the village, the beginning of the forest, and burst into the foliage without slowing down.

* * *

The horizon jiggles up and down and Kakashi snorts and holds on tighter, his ankles pressing into Gai's thighs. They're too old to do this, but that is what makes it so fun, he thinks – not that he would ever admit the fun part out loud. Getting a piggyback ride as a silly challenge.

"We'll see how far _you_ can carry _me_ later, Rival!" Gai shouts, far too loudly, _happy._

Unbeknownst to Gai, Kakashi smirks. This point will go to Gai, he's already decided that, but that only makes him enjoy the ride so much more.

* * *

The silver strands in Gai's bowl cut catch the light in new, shimmering ways as he cocks his head like he cocks his hip and grins, grins, grins, pointing at Kakashi.

"Rival!"

And Kakashi rolls his eye and sighs and flips a page in his not quite as dirty as he had hoped-book, because that's the way this goes, always goes, and drawls, "What?" although he knows the answer like he knows Gai.

"I challenge you!" Gai bellows, making heads turn in the street, earning giggles.

And Kakashi smiles under his mask where no one can see because he loves that answer like he loves Gai.


	5. spending too much time together

"Oi, Kakashi! Where's Gai?"

Slightly peeved, Kakashi raised his eye from his engrossing piece of porny literature to look at Genma, who had swiftly and, or so Kakashi suspected, _strategically_ placed himself in his light.

_Yo, have you seen Gai?_

_Is Gai around?_

_Do you know where Gai-kun is?_

This kind of thing was starting to happen with alarming frequency. It was bothersome to be constantly interrupted by people looking for someone else, and Kakashi really didn't see the point of it.

"How should I know?" he asked, playing up his cluelessness for effect. "How come people keep asking me that, anyway?"

Seemingly surprised by this reaction, Genma cocked his head, senbon jerking as he bit down on it.

"You two are always together, duh."

Behind his mask, Kakashi's jaw set. There was absolutely no truth to that accusation! "We're not—" he began, only to stop mid-sentence. Before his mind's eye a recap of the previous week was starting to play.

**_Sunday_ ** _– taking his dogs to the park where Gai ambushed him and ended up playing Frisbee with them_

**_Monday_ ** _– Gai coming over for a challenge, playing cards._

**_Tuesday_ ** _– mission briefing with Gai on the squad_

**_Wednesday_ ** _– mission patrolling the Forest of Wind with Gai_

**_Thursday_ ** _– Ramen at Ichiraku's with Gai_

**_Friday_ ** _– meeting at the Hokage Tower… to be fair, everyone else had been there too… even at the party where Gai dragged him afterwards… so it didn't really count, did it?_

**_Saturday_ ** _– sparring with Gai on training field two_

**_Sunday_ ** _– carrying out the Third's order to repair damage done to training field two- Kakashi challenging Gai to do it by himself while Kakashi timed him, then to damage it again so Kakashi could do the repairs timed. Needless to say, Kakashi defaulted after step one was complete._

**_Today_ ** _– well_ _,_ _damn._

For some strange reason, Kakashi felt himself blushing. "It's not like I want to—" His face grew even hotter. What the hell? "It's just easier to hang out with him than to try to avoid him," he said. That was it. He'd tried shaking off Gai for years. It simply never worked, so this was just his new tactic.

Genma shrugged, thankfully completely oblivious to Kakashi's sudden inexplicable discomfort. "You… didn't really need to explain that. It's not like one of you is a girl – because if that were the case, people would have started talking a _long_ time ago! But, you know, with two guys, you're bros, we get it."

Kakashi was starting to feel a little nauseous. Maybe he was just hungry. Or maybe it was the smell coming from the barbeque place across the street.

"Like me and Raidou," Genma continued. "People ask me where he is all the time. It's getting kinda annoying, to be honest. Sooo, anyway, _do_ you know where Gai is?"

"No, sorry, can't help you," Kakashi replied hastily, holding up his book again to signal the end of this conversation.

"Ah, well, worth a try, right? If you run into him, just tell him I'm looking for him, okay?"

"Sure," Kakashi said, watched Genma run off towards the training grounds, and breathed a sigh of relief when he vanished in the crowd.

As if on cue, the colorful curtain flaps over Yakiniku's entrance stirred and Gai stepped out onto the street, carrying their lunches in a plastic bag. Seeing him, Kakashi's stomach did an almost painful little flip.

_Just hungry,_ he thought.


	6. Ninken trouble

It's one of those small things that escalate far too quickly.

Gai didn't use to summon Ningame all that often, but he's trying his hardest to make it up to his beloved tortoise these days, and Kakashi has always loved to have his dogs around. So the apartment ends up being far more crowded than they thought it would be.

Not that Gai minds. Moving in together had been his idea, after all, and it's an idea he's still very proud of. Except…

Except that one day he hears a rather unfamiliarly high-pitched scream coming from the kitchen, where he'd left Ningame to enjoy some salad he got fresh from the market.

When Gai gets to the source of the commotion, what he sees is this:

Ningame on the ground, completely withdrawn into his shell, only his little tail sticking out. Sticking out and being chewed on by Bull, who glances up at Gai with his bloodshot eyes in a way that is fifty percent happy and fifty percent ashamed. As if he's trying to say, _I'm sorry, I know this is wrong, but the taste is so great, I just can't stop!_

"Help me!" Ningame's whimper comes floating out from the depths of his shell, and Gai shouts, "No, Bull!" and starts pulling on the dog's collar, which does nothing to deter Bull but triggers a howl of pain from Ningame.

"Sorry!" Gai let's go of Bull as if scorched and runs to the fridge where Kakashi keeps extra special treats for his ninken. He gets a steak, something that was never even meant for the dogs but for their own dinner, and waves it in front of Bull's snout.

The dog's pupils track his movements left, right, left, right, like he's being hypnotized. But he does not let go.

Something like a sob comes out of the shell. At this point, Gai starts to consider using actual force. He could pry Bull's jaw open with his hands or pinch the dog's ears or…

No, he can't hurt Bull.

Frustrated beyond caring, Gai drops the steak and pulls at his own hair.

"Can't you just teleport away?!" he wails.

"What do you _think_?! His teeth are _in_ my tail!" Ningame hisses back, "you should bite _his_ tail!"

"He doesn't have one!" Gai exclaims. Bull's little stumpy tail is doing its best to wag.

Pakkun and Bisuke choose this moment to wander into the kitchen; Gai stares at them imploringly.

"Don't look at us, pal," Pakkun says, unperturbed, "we're here for the steak."

"Get Kakashi! _Please_!"

* * *

"He's not going to do that again. I gave him a good scolding." Kakashi shoots Gai a suspicious look. "You're pouting, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." Gai finishes wrapping the bandage around Ningame's tail and ties it off with a little bow. He's not pouting, but his tortoise sure is. Ningame hasn't said a word since Bull finally let go of him.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi says.

"I know, but we have to make it up to _him_ somehow, Rival."

* * *

_The things I do for love,_ Kakashi thinks as he climbs into bed.

Immediately the enormous mountain next to him shifts to the right, away from him, taking Kakashi's blanket with him.

"His feet are cold!" it complains and sniffs indignantly. No doubt going to hog warmth off Gai, which had been Kakashi's plan.

" _Your feet_ have claws on them," Kakashi shoots back, making a desperate grab for his blanket. "And aren't you cold-blooded anyway?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ningame asks provocatively, ready for a fight, and somewhere behind the giant tortoise in the middle of the bed Kakashi hears Gai sigh.

_It's going to be a long month._


	7. modernday The Walking Dead AU

He runs into the nutcase just inside of Kawaguchi. It's one of those _dumb_ _things that just happen_ , as Obito used to call them. Kakashi was looting a conbini for supplies and suddenly, there _he_ was. Which was something that shouldn't have happened, shouldn't have been possible even, not with Kakashi, who was an expert at survival. Unlike Obito. Unlike Rin.

But this guy managed to sneak up on him while he was bent over, digging through a box that should have been filled with bags of crispy seaweed crackers, but turned out to contain only bits of styrofoam and bubblewrap.

His attention had been diverted for less than a second, and yet he didn't realize that he wasn't alone anymore until the stranger cleared his throat.

* * *

His name is Gai and he announces it as if it is messianic. He is wearing a bright green addidas sweat suit and orange sneakers, and there's no weapon in sight, which means he's either exceptionally dumb or very dangerous.

Kakashi himself carries his gun, a SIG P230, tucked into the waistband of his cargo pants, and his hand begins creeping towards it as soon as their eyes meet.

"You?" Gai asks and it takes Kakashi a second to realize that he wants to know his name.

"Kakashi."

Gai beams as if he has been offered a treat.

"There's nothing here," he says apologetically. "But I can show you—"

"I don't do team ups." Kakashi draws the gun, cocks the hammer, and aims at Gai's head. He's not going to waste a bullet going for the chest, and he's certainly not going to let some idiot lead him into a trap. "You go first. Now."

"I was trying to help you," Gai whines like some brat, like he's _disappointed_.

Kakashi just narrows eye. His trigger finger twitches. He's only half-bluffing. He won't kill anyone unprovoked, he promised Rin, but his definition of "provoked" is starting to become wider and wider.

But then Gai does him a favor by shrugging, turning around on the spot and leaving through the front door, through which, and Kakashi is very sure of that, Gai certainly didn't enter before.

From outside, he hears groans and shuffling, but no sound of footsteps slapping against the pavement in panicked flight, no screams.

He's not sure how he feels about that.

* * *

A day later, Kakashi _is_ sure that Gai is watching him. He's good, too. Almost on Kakashi's level, and that makes him wonder if maybe Gai was in the Self Defense Force like him. He doesn't remember the face, but then, he doesn't remember much these days.

Or maybe Gai used to be a cop. Maybe—

And why does he care?

He is convinced that Gai is on his own like him. If it comes down to it, Kakashi is fairly certain; he will be able to take him.

If not, well, so be it.

* * *

Making it out of Tokyo, that had been a miracle almost. Kawaguchi should have been a walk in the park compared to that, but if Kakashi has learned one thing in the last three weeks – how has it only been three weeks? – it's that _should have been_ carries no meaning anymore.

* * *

He hasn't slept in days, can't afford to, and before, when he did, he dreamt of Obito and Rin and worms crawling over living dead skin.

* * *

The house is as secure as it's going to get, Kakashi decides. On some level, he knows that he has stopped caring.

Why is even he still moving? Where is he supposed to go?

_Hokkaido_ , Obito and Rin whisper from the darkest corner of the room, where a spider is building its web. _We'll go north, get a boat somewhere and get to Hokkaido, and if it's not safe there, then we'll just look somewhere else. But first Hokkaido._

He sinks down in _his_ corner, defeated. Daylight streams in through a boarded up window, striping the dusty floor. His surgical mask has long since stopped working against the smell of decay and it never helped against the virus in the first place. Still he keeps it on. Out of habit.

_I can't make it,_ Obito says, smiling as sweat runs down his brow and blood oozes from the hole in his head, _but you two will. Protect Rin, Kakashi, promise me._

_It's over for me, Kakashi, please. Just let me go before I end up like them. Please…_ Rin whispers. She smiles at him. Why do they always smile? His hand is shaking too much to hold the gun steady. She reaches for it, covers his hand with hers. It's too warm, too moist but surprisingly strong. _I won't make it out of Tokyo, but you will, Kakashi. Promise me, okay?_

_She pulled the trigger herself; I couldn't even do that for her,_ Kakashi thinks and falls asleep, seeing the shiny red streamlet of blood run past the corner of Rin's mouth, dripping down into her hair.

* * *

A _crunch_ and _thump_ make him jerk upright, not awake yet, just _there_ enough to recoil from the half decayed face that stares at him, eyeless, and Kakashi's stomach rolls, even as he kicks on instinct, heavy boot aiming for that horrible head. He misses.

But it makes no difference, because the creature is already falling, torso tilting sharply to the right, the rest follows, crashing to the floor in a jumble of oddly twisted limbs.

Behind it, Gai appears, goo dripping from his fist, grinning.

"You forgot to check the basement, Kakashi!" he announces. Kakashi is instantly dismayed by his overly familiar language, and then surprised at his own ability to still care about the way he is addressed.

Undeterred, Gai holds up a bag of something in his clean hand.

"I brought those seaweed crackers you were looking for the other day!"

Kakashi is too stunned to react.

At his feet, the corpse's fingers twitch.

"Huh?" Gai says like he's just come back from the store only to realize that he's forgotten something, and brings his foot down hard on its skull.


	8. surprise party

For a bunch of _shinobi_ , they really suck at surprise parties. That's what Kakashi thinks, at least, but then, this is the eleventh year in a row, and at that point it would have been hard for _anyone_ to still be surprising. It would have been impossible to top the very first time anyway, when Kakashi had been so thoroughly and genuinely surprised that he almost sliced off Ebisu's ear with a shuriken.

Why Gai insists on doing this for him, Kakashi will probably never understand. He has long since filed it under _because Gai is Gai_ and left it at that, as he has done and continues to do with so many of his friend's little and not so little quirks.

This year, like every year, the Hatake Kakashi surprise birthday party starts off at Gai's tiny apartment. Gai leads him there with a very lame excuse – _I spilled tea on our last mission report, Rival, so I had to write a new one. It needs your signature again… OH NO, I seem to have forgotten the report at my apartment! Curses! Could you just go there with me?_ – after Kakashi has said _no, sorry, I can't_ and _Why don't you go and get it; I'll wait here_ just to see Gai sweat and squirm and sputter, he finally gives in and comes along.

Every year, Gai's apartment is crowded and decorated with garish banners in clashing colors. Kakashi gets his "surprise" and receives congratulations, handshakes and hugs (one from Gai at the very least), his annual congratulatory ass-grope, as she likes to call it, from Anko, and, most importantly, his presents. Those he actually looks forward to; everything else not so much.

After that, Kakashi withdraws into a corner with his piece of cake and watches the others. Somehow, they always seem to have a blast at his birthday parties. They chat and laugh, and once the sticky-sweet cake is gone and it's dark outside, Gai drags them all, including Kakashi, to a bar, where they seem to have even more of a blast.

Once there, Kakashi finds another corner and a drink to sip on, and continues watching.

Like every year, he sits there, in the dimly lit bar, looking at the people around him, and finds himself wondering, _Are those really my friends?_

Sure, he would die for them in a heartbeat, no questions asked, and he knows they would do the same for him, but even that—

It feels hollow somehow, compared to how easily Gai moves between them and talks to them and convinces _Ibiki_ of all people to go up onto the stage and sing karaoke. Gai likes them and they like Gai, but Kakashi…

Kakashi can't remember the last time he talked to Shizune about anything that wasn't health or mission related, he can't remember the last time he went out to get a drink with Genma and Raidou or the last time he sparred with anyone other than Gai.

He spends a lot of time with Gai, but that's because Gai simply _won't_ leave him alone.

Kakashi sighs. Across the room, Gai is talking to Shizune and Aoba. They're laughing about something, Shizune is pressing her hand over her mouth, stifling giggles.

Someone slaps a hand on his shoulder and Kakashi whips around on his barstool.

"You're such a maudlin drunk," Anko tells him earnestly, her breath like the fumes straight from a brewery. "Cheer up, birthday boy!"

He sighs again, and Anko grimaces in disgust. Then she sloppily pats his head as if he is some kind of barely lovable stray dog.

"Your hair feels weird," she declares before wandering away, leaving Kakashi to his depressing musings.

* * *

He must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he sees when he opens his eye is Tenzou, clutching a microphone, stumbling across the stage and doing some of the worst singing Kakashi has ever heard. The whole bar sighs in relief when he finally ventures too close to the edge and falls off.

To Kakashi's mild shock, Gai is next up.

He winks at someone in the by now fairly thinned out crowd and does that sparkly grin thing he does that always gives Kakashi a small headache when he's drunk, and then the music starts and it's surprisingly slow and soft.

When Gai starts singing, Kakashi can't help being impressed. Gai has a good, strong voice, Kakashi has always known that, but usually Gai uses it to belt out terrible, upbeat pop songs – occasionally, when he's very drunk, songs by girl groups which he sings in a shrill, high-pitched falsetto.

This time, however, it's different.

Gai is singing a sad song, a slow song, whose lyrics seem to reverberate through Kakashi.

_The truth is, even I've noticed  
Most of your indecision and excuses_

It's ridiculous, the song's not about them, not by a long shot. It's about some couple and cheating or something, frankly, at this point, Kakashi is probably too drunk to get it, but still.

He has goose bumps although it's warm inside the bar, too warm even, and he can't shake that strange feeling. His head hurts almost as much as his heart.

So, with nothing else to do and one more year on his back, he decides to listen and simply keep drinking until he'll fall off is chair and Gai will have to carry him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that I had in mind for Gai is Suga Shikao's Tsuki to Naifu (which I love). Lyrics are from that song.


	9. disagreement

They fight all the time; that's something everyone in the village knows. Kakashi and Gai disagree and argue and compete. Always have, always will. But those fights, the "normal" ones, the ones they have with clock-ticking regularity, are nothing like this one.

This one is starting to grate on Kakashi. Because it's not _I can't stand your hip and modern attitude any longer, Rival!_ and it's not _Hah, you think I can't do that? I will prove you wrong!_ , no, this time, it's an actual, serious fight. About something that matters.

* * *

It's not that Gai is incapable of understanding Kakashi's point of view, it's just that _Kakashi_ can't see the full picture. He only sees one side of it, the _genius_ -side; he's never been on the other side; he's never been called a loser and a drop-out and he's never had to prove anything to anyone.

So maybe he isn't wrong about Gai being more invested in Lee's training than in Neji's and Tenten's, but he doesn't see _why_.

* * *

_Please,_ Kakashi thinks, _like it isn't completely obvious._ Sure he gets it. Lee is more like Gai than Neji and Tenten. Gai looks at Lee and sees himself, and that's all there is to it.

Kakashi used to be in the exact same place.

It didn't end well.

* * *

"Lee isn't Sasuke," Gai says bluntly.

"I never said he was. But he's not your only student. Which was my point." Kakashi grabs the back of one of Gai's rickety kitchen chairs and leans over it. He's tired; it's been a long day. One he didn't think would end like that, with him standing in Gai's kitchen, having an argument.

Kakashi wishes there was a way to un-know information, to un-learn it, or maybe just to go back in time to start over.

"I know that!" Gai is usually quick to fall into his ranting and flailing habit, to jump up and shout, but this time he remains seated, arms folded, cooler than Kakashi is used to seeing him. "I care about Neji and Tenten; I train with them. I put just as much youthful passion into—"

"No, you don't," Kakashi interrupts. He's had enough of this, and he's pissed. It's not just the fact that he had to hear about this, it's also that he didn't get it from Gai himself. No, it had been Ebisu. "I heard about your little promise to Lee," he says and his voice is terse and brittle like dried-out bones, ancient.

Gai's face doesn't change, not even a raised monster-eyebrow, not even a twitch, but then, if he'd actually tried to keep this from Kakashi, _Ebisu_ surely wouldn't have known.

"That's in the past, rival. It doesn't matter anymore." He leans back in his creaky chair, and the pupils of his eyes slither away to avoid Kakashi's gaze. He _is_ ashamed then. _Good._

Kakashi, however, isn't done. He feels like he'll never be done with _this_ issue because his heart tells him that it's a betrayal, it's abandonment, and it's _not fair._ Kakashi never asked for a promise, but Gai made one regardless.

"Doesn't it?" he asks and his voice is soaked with bitterness and accusation that the fabric of his mask can't cover up. "What if something happened to him now? He got through this one, but he can still get hurt or die, you know that."

"I know that."

"So?" And Kakashi regrets that question the very moment it leaves his mouth because Gai's jaw is set, his muscles turn to cement and he does look Kakashi in the eye now, which makes Kakashi want to turn away.

"He _is_ my Ninja Way. This is what I've chosen."

It stings, and that makes Kakashi angry, more at himself than at Gai, though. He's been an idiot, should have kept his distance. What was he thinking?

Kakashi hangs his head, looking at the tiled floor for a second. His palms are beginning to hurt slightly; he's stiff and tense and his body feels heavier than usual for some reason.

"…I was afraid you'd say something like that," he says eventually.

Gai just sits there for a little bit, unusually quiet, in the silent kitchen, where nothing can be heard but their breathing and the constant dripping of Gai's old faucet.

"You're going to get Sasuke back," Gai says after a while, eight drips, and Kakashi can't tell if he needed that interval to muster the conviction he put into that sentence or to fake it. It's a change of topic anyway, a distraction maybe, and not a very elegant one.

So he almost laughs at it, but what comes out is only a single dry snort. "It's not up to me anymore."

"You can't say that!" Gai's outrage is real now, Kakashi is sure.

He shrugs, straightens. He's going to walk out of the apartment in a moment. "I just did."

"Kakashi—"

"Look at us, we've grown old. Arguing about the kids like that…"

This time, Gai does jump up and bangs on the table in protest. "I'm not old!" he shouts. "I'm still in the spring time of life!"

"Well, you're certainly older than me," Kakashi drawls for routine's sake. Then he sighs, a true old man's reaction. "So this is where we stand, huh?"

* * *

Kakashi leaves on that note, with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Nothing's changed, Rival." That was the last thing Gai said to him, and Kakashi carries those words out the door and onto the empty street and wonders.

If he asked them, the people of the village would probably say the same thing. _Kakashi and Gai have been like this for decades! Nothing will ever change with those two!_

But if nothing's changed, why does he feel like this now?


	10. Iruka/Kakashi/Gai, emotional bond

It's not like Iruka is enjoying this; it's not like he's having the time of his life and all his dreams have come true – quite the opposite, really. But from the way Kakashi-san looks at him and Kakashi-san's annoyance lies in the pit of his stomach like something cold, indigestible and acidic, Iruka can tell that the jounin does not believe that.

No, Kakashi-san seems to feel that somehow Iruka is to blame for all this, and thanks to their shiny new emotional bond, Iruka gets the message loud and clear.

They're both tense, sitting in Tsunade-sama's office, going over the details of their last fateful mission together again and again, describing their enemy's jutsu over and over, and every time Iruka hesitates to rethink his answers, he feels the needle prick of Kakashi-san's irritation. It makes him angry, which in turn makes Kakashi-san angry and, feeding on itself, their shared anger rises inside of them until Iruka thinks he must be visibly pulsing with it by now.

Looking at Kakashi-san, you wouldn't be able to tell, though. He's sitting in his chair, arms folded across his chest, reclining against the backrest, his pose offensively slouchy– were he one of Iruka's students, Iruka would have told him to sit up straight. As it is, Iruka just grits his teeth to contain the outburst that is building within him.

* * *

Later, when they figure out that they can't be more than a few meters away from each other, Iruka is almost beyond caring. He is the one who keeps trying to leave, taking one step after the other, bravely, _stubbornly_ , until the pounding in his temples is strong enough to bring him to knees.

Kakashi-san helps him up then, and for the first time Iruka feels, under all the exasperation, a tiny smattering of concern like a whiff of sweetness in the air.

* * *

The next day, Tsunade-sama tells them that there is nothing to do but wait, which is exactly what they have been doing and now, with no other choice, continue to do. In Iruka's apartment where Kakashi-san lounges on the couch and shamelessly raids Iruka's fridge whenever he feels like it. They do nothing except annoy each other with their existence. Iruka finds that he can't grade papers with Kakashi-san's seemingly ever present boredom filling his head like so many balls of cotton, and Kakashi-san gets irritated every time Iruka tries to get anything done that involves moving around the apartment.

In the end, out of sheer desperation, Iruka suggests going to the training fields for a spar. He knows he hasn't got much of a chance against a jounin like Kakashi-san, but he has reached a point where he prefers getting beat up to sitting around, twiddling his thumbs and feeling uncomfortable, _double-_ uncomfortable.

* * *

There is, however, someone else on training ground one, someone loud and _green_ , and when Kakashi-san sees that person, there is a little jolt of _something._ Iruka feels it, distinct like a raindrop hitting the back of his neck.

"We should probably—" Kakashi-san starts to say, with a hint of unease, not in his voice but definitely in _him_.

_Strange,_ Iruka thinks and then, suddenly, Gai-san is right in front of them.

* * *

Kakashi-san ends up sparring with Gai-san instead, for which Iruka is endlessly grateful. He gets to lie in the grass, while Kakashi-san keeps Gai-san busy without straying too far away from Iruka.

It's confusing to Iruka that Kakashi-san hasn't told Gai-san about their predicament, that it wasn't the first thing he said. True, technically the information is classified, but Gai-san is Kakashi-san's friend. Before, Iruka wasn't all that sure about their relationship – he's often seen Kakashi-san ignore and dismiss Gai-san – now, though…

He can feel Kakashi-san's elation. It courses through his body, wildly, like a heap of dead, dried-out leaves being picked up by a gust of wind. It's Gai-san who does that to Kakashi-san, Iruka has no doubt about that, and this realization surprises him as much as it fills him with unexpected warmth.

For the first time since the incident, Iruka can relax.

* * *

It doesn't last. After the sparring session, when Iruka and Kakashi-san go ʻhomeʼ - and Iruka has a hard time applying that term to any place that he has to share with Kakashi-san – Kakashi-san's resentment is almost palpable. It feels as if, with every step, Iruka runs into a solid wall of grim determination. Kakashi-san is trying to block him out, but they already know that this doesn't work. It only gives Iruka a headache. He can still feel Kakashi-san's nervous suspicion, and that splinter of embarrassment, buried among everything else.

_I won't tell him,_ Iruka wants to say, _I would never._

He wonders if Kakashi-san can pick up on his sympathy, on the guilt that gnaws on him. Probably.

Iruka knows he's blushing, remembering that warmth and happiness flooding him. He feels like a thief, an intruder, but he can't help it. Just like he can't help thinking about Gai-san's smile.

_Don't_ , Iruka tells himself firmly. _Stop. Those were only Kakashi-san's feelings…_

Iruka closes his eyes for a second. _Take a breath._

There's a throbbing in his temples, faint but growing stronger as if a herd of wild horses is heading his way. Iruka's eyes snap open. He has to hurry. He's fallen behind.

Kakashi-san strides away, far ahead of him, hands in his pockets, back unusually straight, rigid with concentration, with the effort to keep his emotions bottled up.

There's a shard of mortification lodged inside Iruka's chest now, and he cannot tell which one of them it belongs to.

Maybe, at this point, it doesn't even matter anymore.


	11. Ugly

As usual, Kakashi didn't even turn around when the three giggling girls walked past him – for some reason he was not like his peers in that regard; all the other boys reacted to the presence of girls like compass needles to the north pole.

He would have kept walking, too, if the girl in the middle hadn't spoken up right then, loudly enough for him and everyone else in the street to hear, "And then he asked me out!"

The two other girls stopped in their tracks, stunned.

"Seriously?"

Kakashi slowed down; to him juicy gossip was almost as entertaining as cheap romance novels.

"That's so gross! What was he thinking; you're way out of his league, Chizu-chan!"

Yep, this sounded entertaining.

"I know!" The girl in the middle, Chizu-chan, clearly didn't lack self-confidence. Well, even Kakashi had to admit that she was fairly pretty, in a frail, doll-like kind of way. Her frilly pink skirt and her many impractical accessories – none of them could be repurposed as weapons – made him suspect that she was a civilian, though, which killed most of his interest in her right there.

From a safe distance, he watched the girl's friends crowd around her, blocking his view.

"What did you say?"

Although he couldn't see her face, he could just about imagine the self-satisfied expression on it as she answered in a voice so saccharine he feared it might raise his blood-sugar just from listening to it, "What do you think I said? I said I would _love_ to go on a date with you, Gai-kun!"

"Eeeh?!"

For a second, Kakashi was as shocked as the two girls, _Gai-kun_?

"The day hell freezes over!" Chizu exclaimed and the girls burst into laughter in unison.

"That's so cruel, Chizu-chan!" The true sentiment behind the words was betrayed, however, by the vast amount of pure glee in the girls' voice.

And to his own surprise Kakashi found himself wishing and hoping they were talking about some other poor kid, anyone but the boy he was thinking of.

Chizu dashed his hopes – she was good at it, she'd had practice after all.

"Can you imagine how awful a date with Maito Gai would be?" she mused as the three girls slowly got moving again. Kakashi followed, slipping from cover to cover, listening with morbid fascination.

"What a nightmare!"

"He's such a weirdo! I could never live it down if people saw me with him!"

"Those eyebrows give me the creeps! It's like they're alive!"

"More like he found a couple of dead mice and stuck them to his face."

"Every day I wonder when those caterpillars are going to pupate and turn into butterflies!"

"And that suit he wears!"

"I don't even know what to say about that…"

"It's _so_ disturbing!"

"You know what? I once saw the bandage on one of his hands come off and it was super-disgusting! His hand was all scabby and scarred and gross!"

"Eeewww!"

"What if he tried to hold your hand?"

"Imagine you'd have to touch that!"

They all grimaced and shuddered.

"Ne, I heard that he might make jounin soon, though."

"So what? He'd still be totally dorky and uncool."

"Gai-kun can become _Hokage_ for all I care, I still wouldn't go on a date with him!"

"Ugh, can you imagine his face on the mountain? Looking up and seeing _that_ every day? People would flee the village!"

"Well, it'd definitely keep the crows away!"

"Definitely!"

"By the way, did you see Kakashi-kun earlier?"

"He's so cool!"

"Why can't _he_ ask me out?"

* * *

Following a strange instinct he couldn't quite place, Kakashi, hands shoved into his pockets, wandered off Konoha's main road and down the dirt path that lead to the training grounds at the edge of the village.

He could hear the familiar _thump thump_ long before he was close enough to catch sight of its source. Not that he had to. Just from the sound he could already tell that Gai had abandoned the wooden training posts and moved further west to the giant rock boulder Gai's sensei had dragged down from the mountains so his over-eager student would stop destroying the regular training equipment.

As expected, he found his "rival" – and he still couldn't even think the word without rolling his eye – pummeling away at the jagged grey stone as if it had grievously offended him.

Casually proving his superior talent for stealth, Kakashi stepped up right behind Gai and –

Hesitated.

From where he stood he could see the shiny red smears Gai's knuckles left wherever they struck.

Like finger-paint.

He thought about the chorus of "Eww!" from the girls. Thankfully, Kakashi wasn't the type to get angry over something like this. He barely even cared. He'd just been bored enough to wonder what Gai was up to.

"Yo," he said and then quickly ducked under the fist that shot toward his face. Pretty good reflexes for a chuunin, Kakashi had to give him that.

"Gah! Kakashi!" His momentum sending him stumbling past, Gai needed a second to get his bearings, but as soon as he had, he puffed out his chest and said with stubborn pride, "I totally knew you were there; you didn't startle me at all!"

_Very_ smooth.

"Anyway, good timing, rival! I was just thinking that I would like to challenge you to—"

It was clear where this was going and Kakashi was not going to have it, not with Gai already tired and blood seeping through his bandages. If he said that, though, Gai would only feel like he had to prove himself and insist. Better nip this in the bud.

"Actually," Kakashi interrupted, "I was going to get some dinner, want to come along?"

Gai's face lit up. "Are you treating?"

There was a dark brown smear right under Gai's left eye, as if he had tried to wipe something off with his dirty hand. Kakashi averted his eye.

"Mmmh, I would, but a crow stole my wallet earlier," he lied.

"Ehh? Really? I didn't know they could do that!" Only Maito Gai would buy that, in a way, it was kind of endearing, so endearing in fact that Kakashi couldn't help but smile a little.

"Yep, you'd better be careful with your money," he advised gravely. "So, are you coming or not? I'll treat you next time."

A frown materialized on Gai's face; he rubbed his chin in thought. "Come to think of it…You always say that…"

If Kakashi gave him time to really think about it, even Gai might be able to put two and two together and realize that he was being duped. He needed a distraction.

A particularly big blood smear on the rock behind Gai caught his eye.

_What if he tried to hold your hand? Imagine you'd have to touch that!_

"How about, in exchange, I'll redo your bandages for you later?"

"Why? I can do that myself." Gai sounded somewhat pouty, but Kakashi knew exactly how to get him to agree.

"I just think I can do it better and faster…" he said, letting the words do their magic.

Gai practically jumped out of his sandals. "No way!"

All that was left to do now was seal the deal.

"Want to make that our challenge?" Kakashi asked. At this point it was very much a rhetorical question. "I'll do your right hand – one handed, of course – you the left, we time it and then we'll see."

The grin his challenge earned him was nothing short of blinding, and for once Kakashi was almost tempted to return it, but he had a reputation to maintain.

"YOSH! You're on!"

"Let's go then," Kakashi said and when Gai fell into step next to him, already babbling incoherently about his bandaging skills and crow-fighting strategies, he did allow himself another smile; thanks to the mask, no one would be able to tell the difference anyway.


	12. sexy no jutsu for an undercover mission

"The buildings on the hill? Oh, they belong to the cult."

"Cult?" Kakashi went over the mission briefing in his head. Nope, no mention of a cult.

"What did they say they were called again? Ah! The daughters of Mujou." The elderly innkeeper nodded to herself.

When Kakashi, baffled by her conversational tone, just stared at her in disbelief, she continued, "Now don't look at me like that! They're actually very nice. They come down here sometimes… I guess you could have asked them, but I'm afraid they don't speak to men. Their religion forbids it, you see."

* * *

Well, that was a problem.

"No men allowed," Kakashi told Gai bluntly, "we can observe the place from outside or sneak in at night and look for clues, but, frankly, I doubt we'll find out much that way. Long-term infiltration would be the way to go, but…" He trailed off, letting Gai come to the obvious conclusion himself.

"No buts! We've got a mission; we'll go in undercover!" Apparently the conclusion had not been obvious enough.

"Were you even listening to me?"

"We can transform into women! It's easy; Naruto does it all the time!"

And wasn't that something to be proud of…

"Naruto has more chakra than the two of us put together, and even _he_ only does it for a few minutes at a time. We're talking days here, maybe weeks."

"We can do this! If anyone can, it's us!"

"How did you come to this conclusion exactly?"

"Because we're Konoha's strongest two man squad!"

Right, of course, _that_ explanation again.

Kakashi shrugged. Well, maybe it was worth a try. The alternative would be aborting the mission and going back to Konoha empty-handed, a trip that'd take four days. Another, less male, team would then need another four days to get back here, and by then the teenaged son of the daimyo's second cousin twice removed might be dead. If he wasn't already.

He sighed, defeated.

"Seems like we won't be for much longer," he said and smirked at the look of shock and outrage that crossed Gai's face, "a two _man_ squad, that is."

* * *

If he was honest, Kakashi had to admit that, as soon as Gai announced that he was ready, he'd secretly braced himself for a horrible, maybe somewhat hilarious sight. Everyone knew that in order to save chakra you only modified your looks enough to pass as the other gender instead of going for a complete transformation. And Gai as a woman? Kakashi would have pictured…

Well, he realized what he'd pictured had basically been Gai in makeup and a dress – which was more than a little disturbing.

But the woman standing in front of him was definitely not Gai in a dress. She - _he_ \- was all legs, slim and muscular.

His face was softer, the chin smaller, his cheekbones still prominent and his long, dark lashes really brought out his eyes. He could have toned down the brows a little more, though. Then again, Kakashi figured it wasn't _that_ bad; it might even help with the clueless farmgirl impression.

Still, Gai was _attractive_ , not in the classical sense but in a tomboy-ish sort of way. Kakashi had to actively keep himself from staring, from noticing Gai's small, extremely perky breasts and his shapely backside, which was hard to do, what with him not having changed his outfit. The spandex clung in all the right- _wrong_ places.

Quickly, he averted his eye and focused on doing his own henge.

* * *

Kakashi gave Gai one last critical once over and decided that he was probably as convincing as he was ever going to get. His looks were perfect, rounded off with a cheap, slightly washed out Kimono they'd bought in a second hand shop, but whenever he opened his mouth…

"What are we waiting for, rival?" Gai bellowed impatiently, making Kakashi cringe and the jaws of a few passersby drop.

"You sound like a man, _Mai-chan_. It's unseemly."

And it wasn't just the diction – although that was abysmal, too – it was also the voice, which managed to be too deep and yet somehow too high at the same time. It simply sounded like a man faking a girly voice.

"Mai-chan?" Confusion suited this new, different version of Gai. It looked cute on her. Kakashi cleared his throat.

"I can't call you Gai-kun, can I? Anyway, just let me do the talking." He grabbed Gai's arm and pulled him along. "Come on, sister."

* * *

Kakashi himself had gone for long hair – as opposed to Gai who sported a chin-length bob not unlike Shizune's – an eye patch over the Sharingan, complete with the sob-story to justify it, and a worn silk scarf to cover the lower half of his face. He was definitely prettier than Gai – and the fact that he cared enough to notice probably proved that he'd been Gai's rival for too long – and, more importantly, he was much better at acting the part.

As soon as the massive wooden door was opened and two women in matching _mofuku_ appeared before them, Kakashi launched into the elaborate story of Mai's and Kaminari's very sad lives – Mai's parents had passed away soon after she was born, which led to her being adopted and raised by Kaminari's parents, until, one fateful night, their parents' farm was raided by missing nin; that night Kaminari lost her eye, Mai lost her voice and they both lost their loving parents, and ever since then Mai and Kaminari, who had nothing but each other, had been forced to live like vagrants, that was, until they came to the village and heard about the kind daughters of Mujou.

At the end of the story, Kakashi managed to squeeze out a few tears, an effort that went completely unnoticed since both women were too busy staring in a sort of fascinated horror at Gai's face, which was threatening to drown them all in a flood of tears and snot.

* * *

They were led to the high priestess, a kindly elderly lady with grey hair and surprisingly sharp eyes, who in turn led them deeper into the vaguely temple-like building.

"We don't have much, but what we have we are more than willing to share with you. It is the way of Mujou-sama," she said, stopping in front of a plain wooden door. "You'll have to follow our rules, of course, but there'll be time for that talk tomorrow. You should rest now; you've been through so much already."

Gai took that as his cue to snuffle noisily.

"Anyway," she continued as if she hadn't heard, "I hope you don't mind having to share a bed." And with that she opened the door, revealing a tiny room furnished with a chair, a desk and one ridiculously narrow bed, the sight of which triggered a flash of him and Gai in their current forms lying under the covers, pressed against each other. Kakashi felt a treacherous trickling sensation in his nose.

This was going to be a long mission.


	13. Perverted things

This is truly something only Gai would do. Keeping a picture of himself and his students, taken right after their successful completion of a C-rank mission, all of them still wearing the disguises they had been forced to use to sneak into the bandit hideout.

Had the disguise been anything else it might not have been something only Gai would do, Kakashi has to admit that, but the fact that the picture shows all members of Team Gai dressed as _concubines_ firmly pushes the event into _no one but Gai_ -territory.

He’s pretty sure that the kids didn’t appreciate it, judging from the look on Neji’s face alone, it seems like he would have appreciated _being stabbed_ more than the flash of the camera. The boy looks good, though, not even a little bit like a boy dressed as a girl but exactly like a haughty, moody teenaged beauty with flawless skin.

Lee doesn’t fare as well as Neji, but he’s still too young to be completely obvious and his wig and unusually big, bright eyes and long lashes do a lot for him. His smile is a little shaky, however. Kakashi can just imagine his internal conflict. He’s almost physically incapable of doubting his sensei, but the faint blush on his cheeks betrays his embarrassment. At least Kakashi hopes it’s embarrassment…

As for Tenten, her smile is the smile of someone who has endured a lot worse. She looks cute in her pink kimono and if the picture had only shown her and her two team mates, most people probably wouldn’t have noticed anything off about it.   

But there is Gai, standing between Lee and Tenten, grinning his toothiest grin and looking very much like a man in drag. It’s his jaw, Kakashi thinks. Although that certainly isn’t the only thing that gives him away. There is simply nothing about him that looks feminine and it’s as if his colorful kimono, his make-up, complete with glossy red lipstick, and the hair-piece pinned up into a complex hairstyle only emphasize that fact.

He looks ridiculous. He looks awful. Like a joke.

And Kakashi has to wonder if those bandits were blind or something because how could you look at that and think it was a woman? Or maybe they were just perverts.

That might be it.

Still undecided, Kakashi puts the photo back into the open drawer of Gai’s dresser. It’s just a silly memento; there’s no need—

But his gaze is drawn to Gai. He can’t help it. Once again he finds himself staring at the kimono, imagining those layers and layers of silk, imagining what it would feel like to slide his hands under them. His palms on warm skin, the backs of his hands being tickled by cool silk.

He thinks about Gai’s legs, Gai’s muscular, _hairy_ man-legs hidden beneath that fabric and very nearly shudders – not with disgust but some strange— no doubt twisted— _longing_.

The thought of Gai’s body, that finely tuned weapon, wrapped into lavishly embroidered cloth—

Kakashi feels a groan building somewhere in the back of his throat. Gai grins at him from the photo, all pride and joy. His lipstick is smudged at the corner of his mouth, Kakashi notices, and immediately fantasizes about smudging it more.

He bites his lip. No.

Hastily, Kakashi snatches the photo, slips it into his pocket without another look at it and slams the drawer shut. He’ll go the way he came, sneaking through the bedroom window as if he doesn’t have a key to Gai’s front door.

It’s the right thing to do, he tells himself. He’ll burn the damn picture for Neji, Tenten and Lee’s sakes.

Sometimes Gai is just too embarrassing.

(Two weeks later, Kakashi still hasn’t gotten around to destroying it – but he’s going to, at some point. Definitely.)


	14. Feel the earth move again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for recent chapters! Mention of character death.

Naruto roars and, together with his father, races ahead to launch his attack. For one split second, the whole world lights up, Kakashi can see it, even through the lids of his closed eyes, and then the sun sinks behind the horizon and it’s over.

Just like that.

***

There are meaningful glances and meaningful words, apologies and promises, there’s disintegration, and conflation, there are disagreements and then there is, at last, peace.

***

Kakashi isn’t really part of anything that’s happening around him, and he is fine with that. He wants to not have to watch them clear away the bodies. More than anything, he wants to go home.

***

He can’t. Home is miles and miles away, and the General is needed for the peace talks, which, at this point should be a mere formality, but you can never be sure about that sort of thing.

***

Sakura is healing his wounds when he sees Gai and his team. Gai is carrying a bundle in his arms, a body wrapped in white linen. Neji.

This is where the grieving starts.

This is where they go their separate ways.

***

It takes him more than two weeks to get back to Konoha with Naruto, the rest of Team 7, Tsunade, Shizune and Chouza-san.

The night of their arrival, there’s a festival with fireworks to celebrate the newly established peace.

Kakashi leaves the others to the festivities and wanders off.

***

He finds Gai in his apartment, standing by the window in his dark bedroom, his back to Kakashi.  

The room lights up, green, blue, red, yellow, but Kakashi only finds himself standing in Gai’s long shadow and Gai, Gai is wearing black.

Kakashi hesitates.

Were there fireworks after the Third War? He realizes that he can’t even remember anymore. It was another life; something that happened to someone else entirely.

Does it matter? Kakashi walks up to the window and looks out onto the street. People are laughing and dancing, some are crying, but Kakashi’s eye finds those other ones, the few faces in the crowd that are completely blank.

Next to him, Gai doesn’t move.

_I’m back,_ Kakashi could say.

Or _I couldn’t have done it without you_.

Or _I guess, we’re still alive, huh?_

He doesn’t say anything.

Instead, Kakashi reaches out and takes Gai’s hand.

Outside, another firework explodes into an orange flower, flooding the room with light and something close to warmth for one fleeting moment.


	15. old tumblr prompt fills

**The bitterness of mortality**

Sometimes Kakashi imagines what it might be like in the end. He figures it will be outside, under a grey, wide open sky. He thinks he might approve if there was rain, sheets of it, preferably. Pounding into the earth hard enough to pierce it. Gai’s chakra will be the single spot of color, a flaring blue flame, hot enough to melt bones.

Gai will transcend his body in the end, Kakashi thinks. Or maybe that’s just what he hopes.

The truth is that he has nightmares about Gai’s body breaking open, organs spilling out, ribs punctuating skin. Kakashi can see them, sharp and thin like antlers, pink with blood and organ juice.

Sometimes Kakashi has to hide behind his porn, so Gai can’t see how afraid he is.

* * *

 

**black ice**

It happens when his lover’s strong – _not strong enough_ \- legs are wrapped around his waist. They’re in bed together, the sheets are twisted on the floor somewhere with their pillows. Tonight they’re rough, passionate. Kakashi’s eye is squeezed shut, he’s wants to focus only on the sensations. The slow burn, as if he’s being sucked in and pushed out again.

Harsh breathing.Those hands that slide across his back, grasping for purchase. Kakashi wishes they were more calloused, bigger.

Still, it’s easy to get lost in it, to forget. That’s what makes him slip up, that’s what makes him gasp, “Gai!”

Needless to say, Iruka is not amused.

* * *

 

**I still see your ghost**

Obito hangs around Kakashi like a dark cloud. He is a shard of glass buried underneath Kakashi’s skin, almost invisible, but painful, _there_. You can see the memories cloud Kakashi’s eye, and not just when he’s standing in front of the memorial.

No, there are always moments when Obito manifests, suddenly, out of nowhere. Kakashi remembers then, and Gai can tell. He can see that little jolt of lightning strike between Kakashi’s shoulder blades; he can see Kakashi tense up, his whole body going stiff with dread.

There’s no stepping out of Obito’s shadow.

_I beat you,_ Gai wants to say sometimes, to the indifferent stone, _it’s not fair._

* * *

**Haunting melody**

The one memory that pops into his mind as Kakashi is crouching in the bushes, watching his pursuer’s slow, careful approach, is Gai singing in the shower.

The sound of his strong voice bouncing off Kakashi’s tiled bathroom walls while Kakashi himself is still lazing around in bed. A typical morning on a typical day off.

It’s a terribly mundane memory to recall in what might be the final moments of his life.

He knows he should be thinking about something more profound, his losses, maybe, or his students, or – if it has to be Gai – then at least their first kiss.

Not such a small, ultimately irrelevant, detail of their lives.

But all he can think about is Gai’s voice, full of joy, the occasional missed note somehow only adding to the overall beauty of the song.

Kakashi takes a deep, steady breath.

He’s got something to fight for.

* * *

 

**Fatal accident**

“He’s dead,” Kakashi says unnecessarily, his pale, slender fingers resting on their target’s neck.

Gai feels like pouting, to be honest. He’d been looking forward to the fight, and this?

The body they found crumpled at the bottom of the cliff, limbs bent at awkward angles, blood already dried into a splatter?

It’s disappointing.

“I think he slipped somewhere up there.” Kakashi points at the wall of jagged rock and Gai follows with his eyes obediently.  “Guess they don’t make S-ranked criminals like they used to, huh?”

“No,” he says, thinking, _I wanted to fight him._

Thinking, _I wanted to kill him._

He tears himself away from the pitiful sight and feels Kakashi’s eye bore holes into his back.

***

“I think I’m done with this ANBU-thing,” Kakashi says on their way home, apropos of nothing. “Might be time to try my hand with the kiddies, what do you think, Gai? You up for _that_ challenge?”  

The stiff, cold ANBU mask hides Gai’s sudden smile, but not his laugh.

"Helping Konoha’s precious youth become splendid shinobi? Count me in, Rival!"

* * *

 

**dancing with the devil**

Uchiha Itachi is strong; Kakashi knew that. What he hadn’t known was that Uchiha Itachi is stronger than him. Stronger and younger and _better_.

It takes Itachi all of three seconds to defeat him, completely and utterly defeat him, to send him sinking down into the depths of the lake, headed for rock bottom.

When he wakes up, this is what he remembers:

The sun swimming above him, slowly drifting out of his reach.

And then, just before he’s swallowed, irretrievably lost,  a hand reaching for him, pulling him up into the light.

Gai.

* * *

 

**Flashes of euphoria**

The first time Kakashi actually _looks_ at him, Gai thinks he might just fall over dead from joy. Before, Kakashi’s gaze would somehow simply go right through him, as if Gai wasn’t even there, as if he was just a phantom or a ghost, already gone or non-existent to begin with.

Not this time, though.

This time, Kakashi is looking right at Gai. Maito Gai, who’s just managed to knock sensei over during taijutsu practice, something no other kid in their class has ever managed, not even _genius_ Kakashi.

And it doesn’t even matter to him that all the other kids are staring at him as well, that sensei is blinking up at him from where he’s lying in the dirt. All that matters are Kakashi’s dark eyes resting on Gai, for the first time seeing someone worth his attention.

* * *

 

**Terror in the night**

There are nights when Kakashi feels the edge under his feet, when he knows one slight tremble will send him toppling over into the abyss. Those nights he comes home drained and empty. He comes home with a gallery of horrors stitched into the inside of his eyelids.

He doesn’t go to sleep then –although he is tired, _exhausted_ – he goes to a certain roof from where he’ll look at a certain building, searching for an uncertain light in that one window. It’s not always on, but he looks for it all the same, hoping and longing.

* * *

 

**The vacuum of time**

Sometimes it’s like time stands still on the training field with Gai. The world freezes around them, visible only in a blur as if veiled, leaving only _them_. Always in motion, chasing each other through the grass, across the lake’s shimmering surface, into the forest.

Kakashi can get lost in those seconds, those minutes, those hours.

He doesn’t forget – he _never_ does – but when he dodges Gai’s kicks and parries his punches, the weight on his shoulders becomes lighter.

_He_ becomes lighter.


	16. Birthday

By the time his birthday party is over, Kakashi is on the floor, fast asleep. His empty glass has rolled out of his grasp and is lying on its side just a few inches from his open hand.

The lights in the bar have been all but switched off and Gai is getting certain looks from the staff members. It’s four in the morning; everyone else has left, even Anko.

It’s only the two of them now.

Gai grins to himself. Seems like the surprise party was a success again. Kakashi tends to pretend he doesn’t enjoy them, tends to withdraw into the corners and routinely wards off conversations with monosyllabic replies and his little book of porn, but in the end, he always gets drawn in; Gai always gets a few genuine smiles and on especially good nights even laughs out of him. 

Tonight was a Good Night. All that’s left to do now is to make sure that his rival gets home safe. Gai has a lot of practice in that regard. He’s an expert in all matters concerning his Kakashi after all.

Gai gently picks him up, one arm supporting his friend’s lolling head. Tonight he’ll carry Kakashi home in his arms because it’s easier and more comfortable than hoisting him onto his back would be. It’s dark, anyway. This early in the morning no one will see them.

He likes this, the warm weight of Kakashi in his arms, the knowledge that there’s no one else in the world who gets to do this, whom Kakashi trusts like this.

_His Kakashi._

Gai smiles to himself.

Maybe the thought is presumptuous… but no, he corrects himself as he steps into the cool night and feels Kakashi’s breath tickle his neck.

It’s not presumptuous, it’s just ambitious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> continuation of that other thing, still no actual fic for Gai's birthday...


	17. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eternalrivalsprompts... I'm starting to feel like a creep.

Kakashi is staring into the fire in front of him. It crackles and pops, feeds on the thin twigs Gai has hastily collected and piled up inside the uneven circle of stones he made. The fire spits out sparks, which burn up in the dark, gone before Kakashi has time to really _see_ them.  
  
He clenches his teeth, bites back even the tiniest sound of pain as Gai gently rolls up his scorched sleeve. The movement burns like fire licking his skin again. He doesn’t have to look to know that fabric has melted into his flesh, that blue fibers have threaded into his arm.  
  
“Sorry," says Gai. He’s sitting on the ground next to Kakashi, facing him, but Kakashi does not look at him. The gentle breeze transforms yellow flames into fingers that reach out to Kakashi. If he closes his eyes, he still hears the screams.  
  
The very moment he takes a deep breath, inhaling the smells of the forest, the smoke and the stench of his own wound, Gai’s fingers find purchase on that horrible layer of ruined skin and sleeve and _pull_. The pain is quick, but all the more intense for it; for a second a black shutter falls and leaves Kakashi blind and deaf to everything that isn’t agony.  When he returns to the world, the metallic taste of blood is on his tongue.

"I'm sorry." Gai throws the scraps into the fire. Kakashi watches impassively as the flames devour the tiny pieces of himself stuck to formerly blue cloth. He closes his eyes while Gai begins to apply ointment. It feels like ice is melting on his hot skin.  
  
“Kakashi ...” Gai’s voice is unusually quietly but as insistent as ever. “What you did tonight… that was really heroic.”  
  
Heroic ... Ridiculous. Doesn’t Gai know that heroic isn’t a word you can apply to failure?

Kakashi continues to stare into the fire; he won’t even dignify this half-hearted attempt to cheer him up with an answer. He’s not in the mood. Miles and miles of forest lie between them and Konoha. Some part of Kakashi has already taken off, is slowly making that journey through the darkness by himself.

“Kakashi…”

There’s rage under his skin all of a sudden, a boiling rage so intense, he thinks for a moment that it might make the rest of his body erupt into burns and blisters as well. He can’t take Gai’s empty words of folktale wisdom right now – if he has to hear just one _All that matters is that you tried!_ , he knows he’ll snap. Annoyed, he turns to Gai. He will tell Gai to leave him alone, he’ll lash out at Gai, and Gai will puff himself up like an insulted peacock and maybe sulk for a while, but at least he’ll shut up.  
  
But when their eyes meet above Kakashi's open wound, he says nothing. The forest is dark and cool, the only movement comes from the fire’s twitching flames.

It’s the expression in Gai’s eyes that makes Kakashi stop. Gai looks at him as if surprised, surprised by his own words, but at the same time his eyes hold a startling amount of conviction.  Kakashi watches as Gai’s bushy eyebrows shift into a frown as he struggles for words. There’s something like fear in his eyes, somewhere behind their gleam of admiration and Gai’s unbreakable determination.

The look makes warmth rise inside Kakashi’s chest, from the bottom of his belly, right into his throat. It overshadows the burning pain of his injury; it silences his anger and the echo of those screams. At the same time it terrifies him; it makes his heart pound against his ribs. There's a raw truth in it, a truth that maybe Gai himself has only just glimpsed for the first time, and Kakashi is sure that neither of them is quite ready for it.

So all he can do is avert his eye, look at the flames again and feel their heat on his face. He focuses on that as Gai bandages his arm, so he doesn’t have to pay too much attention to the gentle touch of Gai’s hands and the way they seem to be stripping him of his defenses.

 

end.


	18. arranged marriage

“I hear congratulations are in order, Rival!”

Carefully, Kakashi averted his eye from the blinding smile, angling his gaze past Gai, past the ever offensive spandex and thumbs-up. He sighed.

The door had hit the wall with a bang and was ricocheting right back at Gai, trembling in its frame, its hinges whining. Gai caught it before it could slam into his face. Gai’s smile, Kakashi couldn’t help notice, had been in place too long already. He had stamina, sure, always, though especially when it came to smiling, but this one was starting to look frayed around the edges, twitchy.    

“You heard right. I’m getting married,” he said. The pages of the book in his hands felt smooth and brittle under his fingers. He tried to read another sentence, but there was the sunlight seeping in through the window and Gai’s long shadow reaching towards him. Not to mention a woman in Kumogakure, a proud kunoichi from a powerful clan, a woman who probably deserved better. She’d given him a photo after the omiai, and he carried it dutifully in his vest pocket, over his heart.

She’d wanted one of him, but he’d had none to give her.  

“Kakashi, you…!” Speechless with emotion, Gai had glittering tears in his eyes. He shed them, sparkling like diamonds, as he leapt towards Kakashi.

The embrace was awkward – Gai lifted him off the couch as if Kakashi was some kind of stuffed animal –and breathlessly tight.

He closed his eye against the warmth of Gai’s shoulder, wishing to sink into it, into the moment, and said in a low voice, “It will be good for the village.” Because that was the long and short of it, the truth and all that mattered.

“It will be good for _you_ and for your future children who will grow up in a world without war,” Gai replied. His voice was choked up, caught in a grey zone between laughing and crying, and it rumbled through Kakashi’s body like a landslide. It couldn’t bury Kakashi’s doubts regarding both statements – nothing could have – but he tried to hold onto it and Gai; he tried to forget about the creases their hug would leave in the picture in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frankly, at one point I kind of wanted to write this fic, but then I was like fuck it, you know. Who even cares?


	19. growing old together

Kakashi gets the update on Gai’s health the way he usually gets his information; he wheedles it out of someone. In this case it’s Sakura, who’s always been kind of a pushover when it comes to his charm – well, maybe that hasn’t exactly been true ever since she turned fifteen and started giving him that _look_ sometimes. Anyway, she tells him quickly enough this time, after just a little hinting and prodding during his own routine health check.

“You know how it is… because of the gates,” she says accusingly. “He’s in pain, but there’s only so much we can give him if we don’t want to damage his liver and kidneys too severely. Not that that might matter all that much… with his heart being what it is.” She dips her head to stare at her clipboard in pretend concentration and her hair catches the light, giving it that bright pink cotton candy glow.

He knows then that she has stopped thinking about Gai and has moved on to Lee instead. Lee, who, for years, used the same disastrous technique Gai did, and who as a consequence might someday find himself in the same position as his sensei. Sakura worries about that more than she worries about Gai, whose only weight lies in the way his death might affect Lee and therefore her family. Kakashi can’t blame her for this.

“We’re all getting older,” he says. He tries for a light tone, but he can practically hear it fall flat. There’s a cottony taste in his mouth. The truth is that he doesn’t feel all that different; maybe he gets tired a little earlier than he used to – maybe—

Sakura taps her pen against her clipboard mechanically. “You’re fine, sensei. You’re fit for field duty. It’s different for Gai-sensei. He might not—“

The way she bites her tongue tells him that he _has_ gotten older. He’s let the shock show on his face. His eye has widened and Sakura has seen into his heart.  She looks away. So does he. The tiles on the floor are grey and worn; the one under his right foot is chipped and missing a corner.

She lets him go soon after. With a smile and a wave that reminds him of the little girl she no longer is.

***

Was it mercy that made her stop or cruelty? How would that sentence have ended? Kakashi’s mind walks over rusty spikes of _He might not have long. He might have a year. He might die soon. He might be gone by next week._

He tells himself he’s being a melodramatic old fool, but there’s a voice in his head that mocks him for his naiveté.

***

It’s not panic that leads him to Gai’s place, merely a dull sense of guilt.

The knowledge that inside Gai will be puttering around by himself since he is a stubborn old bastard who refuses to let anyone help him, who will pretend to be fine whenever other people are around, but will have to lean heavily on whatever piece of furniture is close and bite back moans of pain whenever he thinks himself unobserved. Of course, they’ve all figured it out by now, even Lee.

Gai has always been bad at keeping secrets.

***

Just as Kakashi climbs in through the bedroom window, he hears one of those pained moans coming from the kitchen. It’s where he finds Gai, hands splayed on the kitchen counter, bracing himself against the agony.

Sunlight flows in freely from the small window behind Gai, giving him a glow, making him look fuzzy, unreal, as if a single blink would be enough to wipe him away.

This is the cold certainty with which Kakashi has been living his whole life; the knowledge that everyone he cares about will eventually be taken away from him.

He swallows that knowledge like a bitter pill, but it sticks in his throat somewhere; it feels huge and slimy; it chokes him up to the point where tears are starting to well up in his eye. Old age has made him weak; that’s the only explanation.

“Kakashi? What are you doing here?” Gai’s head can still snap around, his brows can still lift in surprise and furrow in annoyance; he can still sense Kakashi’s presence like a hound. Under his salt and pepper bangs his eyes narrow to slits.

“Nothing. I was in the neighborhood.” Kakashi shoves his hands into his pockets. Hidden from view they clench into fists. The bottom of his stomach has dropped below his knees.

Gai doesn’t want him here. He doesn’t want Kakashi to see him. He knows—

He knows.

Time is coagulating between them. It’s becoming a solid object.

An insurmountable wall.

And it tears Kakashi apart to know that in the end, when Gai is too weak to keep up the charade, they will be left with nothing but bitterness and silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at one point I was going to write Kakashi and Gai get together when they're older fic, but well.


	20. not explicitely KakaGai but what the hell, character deaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from tumblr.

Occasionally Kakashi does still pause when he hears another one of those stories although they’re old news by now, and he is a busy man, advisor of the Hokage and all that.

“But then I turned around and there was a kunai stuck in the target, right in the bull’s eye!” Today it’s a girl’s voice, breathless and high-pitched, drifting over to him from the ramen stand as he walks past.

“So you forgot one, what’s the big deal?” A boy.

“I didn’t!” Kakashi can hear the sound of a bowl being set down in anger, a clack followed by a splash of ramen being spilled. Such a waste. “I never even hit the center…” the girl mumbles after a few seconds. Her cheeks are probably blushing in embarrassment.

“Someone was playing a prank on you, Rise, don’t take it so hard.”

“There was no one there! I—“ She takes a breath, but it doesn’t do much to calm her down. “There was nobody, I swear!”

“Except for the _ghost_ , right?” The boy chuckles.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me! It’s not like I’m the only one who’s had something strange happen to them there!”

Kakashi leans back against the cool wall of the building behind him. There’s a strange feeling inside his chest; it feels tight and cold in there, as if a cloud of fog is enclosing his heart.

_I heard this weird laugh once…_

_Laugh? Are you kidding me? Someone was counting, I heard it loud and clear!_

_No, it’s nothing as obvious as that. It just feels like someone’s watching me, you know?_

_The equipment there breaks much faster than on any other training ground, have you noticed that?_

Stories, rumors.

Kakashi doesn’t know why, but whenever he hears them, he feels like something is drawing him there. A red string tied around his finger, the opposite of fate.

***

Silence greets him on training field nine. Everything is as expected. Birds rustling around in the trees. Splintering training posts, the sound of fists pounding them suspiciously absent.

A single kunai embedded in the red center of a straw-stuffed practice dummy. Whoever painted the target apparently wasn’t very careful because the color has run; the bull’s eye is not a perfect circle but red bleeding into the white surrounding it.

Kakashi approaches slowly. Rise-chan, he thinks, must have left the kunai behind in her haste to get away.

He’s not listening for anything when he gets there, not for voices from the past, certainly not for that laugh he hasn’t heard in years and will never hear again, he just wraps his hand around the hilt.

And it is warm. Warm against his scarred fingertips.

Memory unfurls in his heart like acrid smoke. It makes his eyes burn; it chokes him up.

_He’s in a tree, crouching on a thick branch, and beneath him they’re bickering. Three kids, probably the most awkward bunch he’s ever seen – and he’s seen a lot of awkward kids, and failed every single one of them, just like you’re supposed to._

_But obviously Gai didn’t get the memo because there he is, grinning up at Kakashi as if this was _some kind of challenge and he’s won._ _

_“Don’t tell me you passed them,” Kakashi drawls._

_“Of course I did! Just look at them! They’re perfect!” A lesser man would have been blinded by Gai’s sparkling teeth; Kakashi, however, has grown used to it – as much as is humanly possible, at least. He  just directs his glance past Gai, at the children._

_The Hyuuga boy has turned away from the other two, the girl has folded her arms across her chest, and - Kakashi does a little double-take – can it really be? – Yes, the third one is actually crying. They’re clearly a mess._

_“Aren’t they cute?” Like a mother holding her still raw and bloody baby directly after birth, Gai seems to have lost all sense for the muck and stench clinging to his new little charges. Kakashi feels the distinct urge to edge away from his friend lest he catch some of Gai’s crazy._

_Those kids are not cute. Having observed them for less than two minutes, Kakashi can already tell that the girl is too gangly and awkward for Gai’s brand of taijutsu, the Hyuuga might be talented, but it’s clear that his haughty personality will make it difficult to teach him anything and number three… Kakashi’s jaw clenches under his mask. It’s better not to think about the kind of things that happen to kids like number three._

_At best, their cuteness is the cuteness of the puppies still in the litter after all their siblings have been adopted._

_They’re leftover puppies. Damaged goods.  
_

_“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Kakashi sighs, hoping he hasn’t inadvertently triggered an outburst and subsequent challenge with his careless honesty. He’d hate to have the day off he earned by failing his brats early taken over by Gai._

_But, strangely, nothing of the sort happens._

_Gai just starts laughing._

_Loudly and freely, like he hasn’t got a care in the world._

_“You may think they don’t look like much now! But I will turn them into Konoha’s strongest team! Just you watch, Kakashi! The will of fire will burn more brightly in Team Gai than in anyone else!”_

_Kakashi notices that all three brats are staring at their sensei now._

_All they see is their new teacher laughing at a tree like a madman. Great job, Gai, Kakashi thinks exasperatedly._

_What a promising start._

Just you watch…

The laughter has long since faded. Everything’s gone quiet around Kakashi.

He lets go of the kunai. He leaves it where it is. It might scare a few more genin; there might be more ghost stories.

Stories, rumors. That’s all that’s left.

Hatake Kakashi is not a superstitious man.

He knows training field nine isn’t actually haunted.

No matter how much he sometimes he wishes it was.


	21. Prompt: Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from tunblr where I occasionally take prompts for kakagai fic(lets)/drabbles. Feel free to drop by there and leave some.

Kakashi’s thoughts run in riddles through his head, inscrutable and foreign to himself; he’s never felt much, or maybe he’s always felt so much that to pick out a single emotion was impossible, but as he’s holding Gai’s limp, bandaged hand now, there’s one emotion that swallows up everything else. _Rage,_ hot and blinding. He’s mad at himself; he’s mad at Gai, at Obito, at _Rin,_ at all the other insignificant kids who never stood out but somehow still ended up in the line of fire, trying to protect _him._  

It’s going to end, and this time it won’t be with another name etched into the stone. Kakashi is going to put a stop to this; he’s going to do his duty; he’s going to vanish into Anbu. Gai will just have to find another rival.

He lets go of Gai’s hand and slips out the window without looking back. Gai will be alone when he wakes up.

It’s better this way.


	22. Literature

He’s got one thumb hooked between the pages of Icha Icha because he really doesn’t want to lose his place. He hates losing his place; that only leads to paging through the whole book again and getting lost somewhere on the way.  This time he was going to read the thing from start to finish in one go, since that’s the only way to properly experience Icha Icha.

But Gai has other plans. Plans that involve nuzzling the inside of Kakashi’s thigh while pulling down the zipper of Kakashi’s pants.

Kakashi groans. It’s an exasperated groan, _not_ a turned on one. _Definitely._

If anything, Gai’s efforts are tickling him. Although…

“I’m trying to read here…” he mumbles, his free hand settling on Gai’s head, fingers winding into that smooth black hair. He is going to push Gai away and get back to his book any second now.  Except that Gai breathes in deeply through the fabric and Kakashi feels that rush of coolness followed by humid warmth on his skin when Gai exhales again. The effect is immediate. A stab of liquid heat, blood shooting into his groin. Kakashi hisses, _“Gai!”_ and pulls on that awful haircut.

“Do you want me to stop?” There’s no way someone should be able to look that innocent with his head between someone else’s legs, but somehow Gai manages. Kakashi feels like kicking him.

“You’re terrible.” He’s actively lifting his hips, even as he says it. The couch makes an obscene squeaking noise as he slides bonelessly into the cushions.

“Does that mean yes?” Thanks to his assistance, Gai has Kakashi’s pants at half-mast now. He plants his hands on Kakashi’s bare thighs and looks up at him with faux indecision. “Rival?”

“No… No, don’t stop!” Kakashi hates himself a little for this. He makes sure to roll his eyes and pull a face under his mask that says, _Ugh, the sacrifices I make for this relationship._ Oblivious to his coolness for once, Gai just smiles at him, licking his lips, the _bastard._

“I’m going to make you read this to me later,” Kakashi drawls, already too breathless to keep up the charade.

***

When his volume of Icha Icha hits the floor with a _thump_ three seconds later, Kakashi barely even notices.


	23. tumblr prompt fill: make a wish, shooting star

There’s no better place to look for falling stars than the top of the Hokage Tower, which is why Kakashi goes every night, often after he has completed his Hokage duties, only sometimes instead of doing so.

“Tenzô should be grateful,” he tells Gai up on the roof, the sky wrapped around them like a blanket, but Gai merely gives him a dubious look. “You don’t think I deserve a break?” Kakashi turns the hurt in his voice up to eleven and presses a hand to his chest where his white coat gapes open, where Obito’s blade almost sliced him in half, where his imaginary wound is.

Gai is unimpressed.  He’s reclining against the railing, hands gripping the metal tightly as if the black night behind him might suck him in otherwise. “Of course. _After_ you’ve fulfilled your duties,” he says.

“What difference is one more tedious meeting going to make?” Kakashi can’t even count them anymore, the endless progression of people Tenzô ushers into his office, they all have turned into one grey, tightlipped, stern-faced blur.

“Kakashi…” The tone is too familiar, disappointment mixed with exasperation, but it doesn’t befit Gai. Gai’s warm, open face, his powerful frame, they don’t go with small-minded fretting. Kakashi shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut for a second.  

“You’re starting to sound like my kohai,” he says and when he opens his eyes again Gai is still there, framed by silver stars in a sea of endless black. Kakashi seeks out those spots of distant light, looking for movement above Gai’s impeccable bowl-cut. “Maybe tonight I’ll see a shooting star. Get a free wish…” A sudden powerful breeze stirs his coattails, slapping the flapping fabric against the backs of his thighs. Kakashi is glad he isn't wearing the stupid hat.

“Hmpf. A man shouldn’t stand around waiting for some magical nonsense to happen, not when he can take fate into his own hands!”

“… Is that what you always used to say? No wonder I never listened to you…” drawls Kakashi, his eyes on the sky. He knows exactly what wish he’ll make and that it will never come true.

“Kakashi! Stop teasing me with your hip and modern attitude and pull yourself together! You’re Hokage now! You can’t slack off anymore!” Gai is as stern as ever. He stands up straight, puts his hands on his hips and stares Kakashi down with a look he probably practiced on his students.

“Yeah, yeah…” Kakashi gives in easily. In all their years, there hasn't been one competition he didn’t lose eventually. Gai would try and try until Kakashi would get tired let him win just to have some peace and quiet for a change.  “Hey… Gai?” he asks after a beat of counting his regrets.

“Hm?”

“Did you ever wonder… what might have been?” The stars are bright tonight and steady. Not one of them seems willing to grant Kakashi his wish.

“Never.” Gai snorts. “Brooding over missed opportunities is pointless. You need to focus on the future, rival.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Under his breath he adds, “I just never thought my future would be like this.”

“That’s because you never thought I would actually be able to do it, did you?” How smug he sounds. Kakashi almost can’t believe it, but this _is_ Gai. If there ever was any doubt, his self-satisfied grin is more than proof and it cuts him to the quick.

“No, I really didn’t.” He was an idiot not to. If a man can master seven gates… if he has watched his own father…  But it can be hard to see what’s directly in front of your eyes if you deliberately squeeze them shut.

“You were wrong about me, Kakashi!” Gai laughs. He’s triumphant, proud to have bested Kakashi once again – once and for all – and Kakashi can’t do anything but drink in the sight of him, happy and alive on the roof of the Hokage Tower, all the stars and eternity behind him.

And Kakashi really was wrong about him on some level, but on another…

_I always knew I’d have to bury you one day_ , is what he thinks as their moment ends.

“Hokage-sama!” It’s Tenzô’s _very official_ voice coming from downstairs, telling Kakashi that tightlipped people are within earshot. At the _slapslapslap_ of Tenzô’s sandals he makes the mistake of glancing over his shoulder. His second in command is running towards him. In the starlight Kakashi can see bright red spots on his kohai’s cheeks, betraying agitation and recent embarrassment. When Kakashi turns back to Gai there’s nothing but the faint light of long burned out stars travelling through black nothingness. He sighs and braces himself for the inevitable lecture.

“Senpai,” Tenzô’s tone is chastising, “the daimyô’s councilors are waiting to meet you! You were supposed to be in your office! What are you doing up here?”

“I was hoping I could see a shooting star,” Kakashi says, his eyes glued to the sky where the stars still refuse to budge, “no luck tonight, I guess. Too bad.” He shrugs as Tenzô’s face softens. His kohai probably thinks Kakashi is going sappy with “old” age.

He starts towards the staircase, his gait brisk, unfaltering. Tenzô catches up to him and walks by his side, matching Kakashi stride for stride.

“Senpai, the next time I see a shooting star, you can have my wish.” He says it only loud enough for Kakashi to hear. Kakashi would have rolled his eyes, but somehow he feels strangely touched.

“Thanks,” he says as they start their way down into the building, towards his office, into the light.


	24. first steps

By the time Kakashi finally left the office, the sun was setting. He hurried down the stairs in full gear, hoping to make it to the bookstore before closing time. It was a rare opportunity to get his hands on some new reading material. Usually he’d be in the Hokage Tower until late at night, dealing with the stacks of paperwork that Tenzô never seemed to run out of. Kakashi suspected he made the paper himself – otherwise Konoha would have run out of trees by now.  Whenever Kakashi teased him about it though, Tenzô just rolled his eyes as if Kakashi was some old fart repeating the same tired jokes over and over. 

_You’d think he’d show his Hokage some respect…_

He sighed as he walked down Tea Road, nodding in greeting whenever passersby waved or bowed or whispered “Hokage-sama” under their breaths, their voices tinged with awe. He didn’t like this, would much rather have ditched the hat and coat and donned the mask – no point in wearing that now that his mug was carved into a mountain for everyone to admire  - and ducked into the shadows. But that would make him feel ridiculous and if he got wind of it, Tenzô would scold him for not adjusting to his position, for not taking his new role seriously.

So he didn’t bother with secrecy and went in full attire – to buy porn, which, now that he thought about it, might actually change Tenzô’s mind.

He heard giggling when he rounded the corner and, expecting pesky academy kids, prepared to escape into a narrow side alley. However, for once, no one seemed to notice him. The people in the street were too busy staring at the solitary figure slowly making his way down the road. On his hands.

Kakashi smiled, a wave of nostalgia washing over him out of nowhere. He felt such an onslaught of emotions that his knees threatened to buckle under the weight of his heart. _It’s just Gai_ , he thought to himself.   _Gai walking on his hands like a big dork._

A cluster of kids was laughing and pointing openly. Adults shook their heads and sighed at the strange man; a couple of teenagers stifled their giggles behind cupped hands. They were civilians or too young to have been in the war and they had no idea.

Completely oblivious, Gai was walking towards the setting sun, away from Kakashi. As usual, he’d dropped his crutches somewhere and the right leg of his suit dangled empty over his knee and thigh.

“Hold onto this for me for a bit, will you?” Without waiting for a reply from one of the gaping kids, Kakashi shoved his hat towards him and the boy took it instinctively, his wide eyes glued to Kakashi’s face. He shrugged out of the coat and handed that to another speechless bystander. Then he ran.

In a few leaps, Kakashi caught up to Gai and planted himself in front of his friend.

“Yo.”

Gai looked up at him, his brows creased in confusion, but his face lit up with happiness as soon as his mind caught up. “Kakashi!” He was swaying gently, not yet used to the asymmetry of his body and struggling to keep his balance. When he cocked his head, the fading sunlight rippled across his bowl cut. “Does the Hokage need me for something?”

_The Hokage, hm?_ For some reason, it stung a little coming from Gai. Aware of their now deadly silent audience, Kakashi shrugged. “Just wondering how many laps you’re planning on doing,” he drawled.

“Why?”

“Because…” He stepped beside Gai and turned to face the red horizon. Puzzled, Gai craned his neck to keep his eyes on him. Kakashi bent and placed his palms flat on the cool ground.  “I’m going to challenge you,” he said gravely, unable to suppress the grin and no longer caring to do so, “to a race.”

He could hear the crowd’s collective intake of breath, but it didn’t matter in light of Gai’s surprised laughter and the lightness Kakashi felt as his fingers dug into Konoha’s forgiving earth.

“You’re on, rival!” Gai shouted and together they started walking on their hands towards the sinking sun.  


End file.
